Ridin Dirty

I don't really pick up hitchhikers, or strangers walking down the road. I mean, maybe I've given a ride to a woman and her child before, or maybe some kids from my neighborhood, just to shorten their walk home or to get them to their destination. But, my husband Chuck tells me that I'm not allowed to give rides to "strangers," if it's just my girls and I in the car. He on the other hand, oftentimes gets mistaken for the city bus. But for real! I'm pretty positive that he has given more rides to strangers, than he has to me. Which is fine, because he's in the ministry and his truck stays a disaster. It's like a ministrymobile, or a VBS on wheels. And it tends to smell of feet and fart. It just does. 

I say all of that to set the stage. 

There was one particular day exactly two years ago this month, on which my husband picked up another "stranger." I've heard this part of the story over and over and I never get sick of it. My husband was taking our 5-year-old daughter to dance, and he pulled over to see if this kid needed a ride. The kid said yes, and hopped into the stank mobile. That kid was 15 years old and went to the middle school right behind our house. He had just finished up cross-country practice and was waiting on a ride, but the ride was a no show that day, so he just started home. 

Trimming up that part of the story, I'll throw in that the kid lived 7 miles away from the school and often walked those 7 miles home. He was quiet. Thankful for the ride. And that was that. 

Or so we thought, until Chuck passed him again the next day. He slowed down and pulled over to the side as usual. The window comes down, and then, "Wanna ride?" It's his go-to. Nothing special just, "Wanna ride?" And you would actually be surprised at how many people are NOT afraid of a white male with super long dreads, in a blacked out truck. They just hop on in, like it ain't no thing. I'd for sure be dialing 9-1-1 on my cell phone off to the side where he couldn't see. But that's just me. 

It was the same situation. He had a cross-country meet and needed a way home. He couldn't find a ride, so he got to walking. No big deal. Chuck began to strike up a conversation this time. The kid was still quiet, a little insecure. Who could blame him?! Random nice guy gives me a ride two days in a row?! What's up here? 

This time, Chuck leaves the kid with his phone number and tells him anytime he gets stuck without a ride to just give him a call. And with that gesture, a gesture that showed genuine care and compassion and follow through, something incredible happened. 

Fast-forward two years to present day. 

I have three little girls. The oldest will be 7 in April. The middle just turned 5. And my youngest little precious angel baby darling is every bit of two and a stinking half. Can I get an amen?! Yea. And then there's Josh. He's 17 now. He adores basketball. Loves pizza and grapes. He eats ranch on everything. He's the cleanest and most hygienic teenage boy I know.  He likes school and does his own laundry. He's a homebody. His smile lights up the room. He loves Jesus and bringing friends to church. 

He lives with us now. He is 100% a part of our family. 

There are a million posts to be written about that period of time between when that phone number was given out, and now. There have been a million tears shed and a million battles fought. A million laughs laughed and a million memories made. There are posts that I long to share. Posts that up until now, I haven't felt released to tell. But now, it's time. Because I know that God has done something truly and absolutely beautiful under my family's roof. Something miraculous. Something insane. Something that could only have happened within His will and guidance. 

It's a dirty story. Dirty in a sense of flat out mess. And that is what life is about. Entering into mess. Getting dirty in ways that are sometimes uncomfortable or out of our cute little Christian worlds. I didn't even know I lived in a cute little Christian world until Josh. Until humility. Until discipleship. Until sacrifice. Until obedience. Until all of these things that I thought I knew, were quickly squashed. 

I look forward to sharing a huge part of our lives. If for no other reason than to have a written form of all that has happened over the past two years. Or....maybe just maybe....our dirty, messy story can be used by God as an encouragement to others to do the same. Surely not for our own glory. Quite the contrary, my hope is that Christ would be the only one seen and heard through ANY of this. For it is Him who we seek to imitate. 

Matthew 20:28

"For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give His life as a ransom for many."

Humility is something I suck at. I could've received a full scholarship to a university of my choice if the ACT cared about how prideful a person was. But when I pray to my Jesus and tell Him that I want to be more like Him, and that I want more of Him and less of me, or that I want to be lower and lower, so that in my life He can be lifted higher and higher, best believe that He'll  begin that work. And Lord knows it won't ever be a work that is finished, but I will certainly let Him do that work in me. No matter the cost. I'll say yes. I choose to serve. I choose obedience. And mess.  

Just your basic family pumpkin patch picture. 

Pray Like a Girl

Do you ever say things and you don't really mean it? Or maybe you say it, and you know you're saying it, but you have no intention of really following through? Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about…because I am absolutely positive you do. We are women. We are absolutely HORRIBLE at this type of bull.

Maybe you tell someone you'll pray for them, but you know good well you're gonna forget who it was you were telling you would pray for later, (both hands in the air here) or maybe you tell someone that you'll have them over for dinner, and then get too busy and figure, "Oh well. They probably forgot anyway." Or! play dates. We are soooo quick to say stuff along the lines of, "Oh my gosh! We have got to plan a date soon!" ughhhhh. I am groaning at mySELF here people. OR. Wait, wait, wait….here it comes….MAYBE you tell your husband you'll get to that….uhh physical need….later. OHHHH SNAP!! Yea. I SOOO just did.

I am NOT hatin. I am telling you that I am right there with ya. Sometimes we do have good intentions. We mean what we say. Or we THINK we do at least. Are you tracking with me? Anyone ride that train too? The "Say it but don't actually 100%-really and truly-with all my heart-mean it" train.

WOE IS ME!! I'm disgusted by how many relationships I am in, with which I do the above. But, I'll tell you. There is someone who is really good at holding me accountable to the crap I say. Or should I say….pray.

It's my own dumb fault. I get so used to doing it with everyone else, and when I'm praying and tell God things like, "I want to be more like You." or, "Help me to see people through Your eyes." Maybe you've said something similar to, "Grant me wisdom Oh God." I know I have. WAIT. I DO IT EVERY SINGLE DAY. OVER AND OVER AND OVER. The same stupid prayers. AS IF I can handle the wisdom of God. Or loving people like He does. Or becoming more like Him.

I CAN'T. I CAN'T HANDLE IT OR EVEN COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSE TO HANDLING IT. Phew. There I said it.

I think I want those things. And I pray them. And think I mean them. My heart and mind are in the right place, but y'all our flesh is STUHHH RONNNGGGG!!! Can I get an all women's HALLELUJAH CHORUS HERE?! I pray those things and God wrecks my world. Because when we pray those things and have good intentions. And attempt to mean them, He actually allows those prayers to be answered.

Sometimes the answers that God gives to us are "no", or "wait", or "you're dumb if you think I would answer that." JK, He wouldn't say that. Well, matter of fact, I don't know. I used to pray for boobs in middle school, and He probably did in fact lean over to the nearest angels and laugh and say, "That Rachel, she ain't right." He did NOT answer that prayer. Just so you know. (Still a smidge bitter, but working through it in counseling.)

BUT. When I have recently began to pray like I mean it. Really study prayer and learning disciplines such as kneeling and interceding and other things of that sort, God is responding. He is responding to my prayers with a very difficult third little girl who stretches me in every way. He responds with people around me who need someone to step in and intercede in HUGE ways. He is responding to my prayers with a teenage boy living in my home who has baggage and past emotional pain that most couldn't begin to understand. He is responding to my prayers in ways that are HARDDDD!!!!

And then I all of a sudden find myself laying face down on my bed crying out to Him, "GOD WHYYY?!!!" And I hear that sweet whisper. In the midst of my ugly sobs and emotional breakdown and sweaty armpitted panic attack, I hear Him whisper to me, "I thought you wanted to know me more. Sweet baby, I thought you wanted wisdom. I thought you wanted to love like I love. I thought you wanted to see people like I do. I thought you wanted more of me. Less of you. And here I am answering those prayers, and you won't let me guide you through it. You can't handle those things alone, yet you won't bring those burdens back to me to let me do what I do best."

Y'all. I asked for it. I asked, and received. Imagine that. It's of my own doing. And His answers have proven to make me stronger. Make me a fighter. A warrior of sorts. Sometimes a weak and terrified rookie soldier, shaking in his boots. And sometimes a front line, strong, big muscled son of a gun blazing through the battles behind the God of angel armies. (Enter old school song, "I'm in the Lord's Army. You're welcome for that one.)

I guess when it all boils down. I do in fact mean those things when I pray them. I have good intentions. I'm just not always great on following through. And I'm working on that. He's helping me. And teaching me. And guiding me. And growing me. And ruining me. And humbling me. And everything else that He is and does. And it sucks. And it's amazing, all at the same time. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Matthew 27:51
"At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom."

From top to bottom. Not bottom to top, as if torn by man. But from TOP TO BOTTOM, because it was torn by God. Torn by God because He LONGS for us to enter into His presence. Longs for us to be near to Him. To know Him intimately.

As Easter approaches, let us not take advantage of the fact that as Christ took His last breath and cried out, "IT IS FINISHED!" God very well could have been in heaven, ripping the veil and crying out, "IT HAS BEGUN!"

God may we "enter in." Know you. Intimately. No matter the cost. Humble us. We lift you higher and make more of you and beg that you make less of us and lower us and empty us. We lift high our banners. We yearn for you. Make us more like You, even if it hurts. WE MEAN IT.

Why in the World Would I....?

      From underneath my favorite snuggly brown blanket, in my favorite big leather chair, under my favorite corner window area, with my coffee still steaming, the birds chatting about their dreams and the most beautiful of striped pink and blue sunrises, Good Morning Everyone!

       There is something that I want to share with you guys. It has become the reason that I get up in the mornings. The reason that I can function....well. The reason I remain overconfident in my faith. The reason I am what I am, and do what I do. It has absolutely changed my life as well as carried me through decisions and difficult times. It is the reason that I live. It is my intimate relationship with the Savior of the world.

      He has become my everything. My reason for living. My reason for joy and peace. And the reason I can become more like Him and less like me. Falling daily as I do, I remain confident in the fact that my intimacy with Jesus Christ has changed my total being, and most definitely my whole world.

    It is my goal today to encourage you to find the same relationship. To encourage you to make sacrifices to display your love in creative ways to the God who made every animal and every plant. He is the creator of each sunrise and sunset. He knit each of us together in our mother's womb and He is capable of loving each of us far more than we could ever possibly imagine. To think that the Almighty God. King of Kings and Lord of Lords wants me to meet with Him each morning is insane. "That cannot be possible. He must be far too busy creating new people and saving the world to want to meet with little old me." Wrong. That Powerful God of the Universe, the one who knows all and is All, desires ALL of us. Check out this little gem of a verse nestled in the middle of His word to us, "For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs. " ~Zephaniah 3:17.   HE WANTS US. BAD. His love for us is a strong, jealous love. And what started out for me as a "Well, I guess it's the least I can do since He does so much for me." has gradually become the reason that I rise each day. I want to share some ways to seek Jesus early in the morning. Some helpful advice and how-to's, as well as some "why the heck is this important to me"'s. I pray that my own personal experience, as well as what I've learned and studied, will inspire you to begin a relationship with Christ in which you cannot get enough! A relationship that is so deeply satisfying and fulfilling and indescribable. So hear me out for a bit! Here goes.

This is why I believe that waking early to meet with Jesus is important.

 1) My family is covered in prayer each and every single morning. What better way for my husband and children to start their day than knowing they have already been prayed for. What a feeling of confidence and power and protection that provides them! When they wake up, they know exactly where I am and what I'm doing.  I have the power in Christ and in my prayer life, to provide them with that security!

2) I am able to set an example for my family. For my kids. They see my loving Jesus and don't just hear about it.

3) Mornings are the most beautiful part of the day! Enough said. Insert your own favorite part of the mornings whether it be chilly air, sunrise or the sounds of the coffeepot, it's all beautiful.

4) When I rise early, it is literally, THE only "ME" time that I get during the day. Anyone else ever feel as if they need a little privacy. Especially once kids learn how to unlock doors so that even bathroom breaks and showers are no longer sacred. I am able to sit in silence and focus. And that is something that as a mother, I have to make happen. Because it WILL NOT just happen on its own.

5) When I wake up before everyone else and spend time with Jesus, I am prepared for my day and the chaos that will abound. Rather than waking up in the midst of chaos that has already began, I am up, which 98% percent of the time results in a way more calm beginning of the day.

6) I give God complete control and permission to rule my day. To be in control. Because as much as I like control, I recognize that His control is way better than my control. Even though my flesh doesn't want to let go! I know that I truly want Him to be Master of my day.

7) When I wake up early, I can get a head start on all the chores that I so easily fall behind on. Once I have my quiet time, I can get a load of clothes going, unload the dishwasher, pick up a bit and make breakfast, all before the kids wake up. Head starts for moms are always welcomed.

8) If you like to run/exercise, you have some quiet time and get your exercise done in the beautiful morning before anyone even knows you're awake!

9) I seek peace and rest from God. You're a mom too right? Ever needed peace or rest. Yes. Of course you have. God is THE provider of those things. And every other good and perfect gift. (James 1:17) Wake up early and getcha summa dat!!

10) It's the LEAST we can do. God sent His own Son, who was already in heaven with Him, down to this earth for US. To be ridiculed and persecuted and beaten then hung on a cross. Pretttty sure I can wake up a little earlier to love Him the way He deserves and loves to be loved. My God loves to be worshipped, praised, and glorified. He certainly longs to be intimate with me. And for all the times He loves me, I long for Him to know how much I love Him.

11) You don't know God? Don't know how to find Him? How to hear from Him? Jeremiah 29:13 says we will seek and find Him when we search with all our hearts. Ever lost your keys? Your wallet? Your kids for the matter in a crowded store? Do we not search with all our hearts for those things? Yup. We do.

12) KNOWING GOD IS OUR ULTIMATE GOAL. John 17:3, "And this is the way to have eternal life-to know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one You sent to earth." ooooo....I want to have eternal life!!! So....I guess I will "know" my God! (How well can I know Him? How do I know Him? That's the next blog post....stay tuned ;) )

13) My quiet time could protect/rescue me! Ever heard the stories of people praying and God rescuing them!! From sufferings or pains or even death! HELLURRR!!! Daniel in the lion's den. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Jonah. Shoot. Do we not have our own personal fires and lions dens that we need to be rescued from each day?! Yea. My prayer life is vital.

14) JESUS DID IT. Enough said. Right?

15) All throughout the Old Testament and New, big things happened when people met with God. And followed up with obedience. Walls of cities tumbled down, laws were created, seas were parted. I'm just saying.

16) How you begin each day determines how your day will go....I mean, Lemony Snicket says so,  "Morning is an important time day because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have." That's true and you all know it is!

Ok. Those are a lot of reasons y'all. And I wanted to post the "How-To's of Quiet Time," but I will let your eyes rest and post that one separately later! You're welcome ;)

This is so major. I have personal experience and testimony of how amazing God is and how personal things get and how sweet the time is. How He has spoken to me and met with me every single time, some days in different ways than others, but I know that He is in me, and I am in Him, and if that is true, then I will be able to produce much fruit and if that is not true, then I can do nothing. John 15:5.

I pray pray pray this helps. And I can't wait to share some valuable tidbits on how to get things going!! Maybe you have some other reasons that quiet time is important in your life. Feel free to add them in a comment below!! Would love to hear what you think :) xoxo mamas!

A Love Letter to Giggy & Grammy

Dear Giggy & Grammy!!

        Hi!! Millie Faye girl here :) I've been really wanting to write you a letter. I feel as if I have a few very important things to say to you two. First, I would like to thank you. I know that since my crawling days, I have added waayyyyy more gray hairs to your head than either of you would ever like to admit. But, I mean, I am a fun girl. What can I say? And there are so many fun things that you guys and my mom put everywhere for me to get into, and well sometimes I just can't help it. Also, for all the diaper changes. I mean ewww gross right?! You guys are the best for doing all of that. Mom will pay you back for that one day when y'all are old. I'll let her know that she had better, don't worry I got your backs. ;)

         Ok next item of business. You guys sure take care of Kennedy, and JulieAnne and me a lot. I mean a lot. And I don't just mean you take care of us, I mean like you take CARE of us. The chick-fil-a trips, the new clothes and toys, the bedtime stories, the movie snuggles, the Jesus Loves Me songs….man do you guys know how to spoil a little lady like me!! All my favorites! All the time. I have heard mommy say how special it is and what a blessing it is to be able to do certain things and leave us with y'all. She trusts you guys so much and I guess that's important to know we're being well taken care of while she's off galavanting at youth camp with dad or whatever. (I promise I won't tell mom about all those times you forgot to feed us lunch or forgot to buckle us. That'll just stay between us.)

          Hmmm…I think that just about covers it from me. I like you guys so much and you're amazing, but the main reason I wanted to write you guys this letter is on behalf of my old lady. Man, I'll tell ya, she seems to be a stress bomb lately. What with ministry, homeschooling, two jobs, a mommy group, meetings, house full of kids (one of those she always tries to get rid of, I'm not sure which one yet though) and more, I guess she gets a little busy. Problem is, at times, I think she gets a little too busy to thank you guys the way you deserve. I know she's thankful, because I hear her talking to daddy. I hear her praying and thanking God for y'all. I see her crying sometimes because she doesn't want to have to ask for help….again. (You guys know she's stubborn like that!) I know that even though she probably doesn't tell you often enough, mommy is super duper thankful for your help, and that you guys are close enough to come to her rescue when she needs you.

        Mommy always says she doesn't know what she would do if you guys weren't around to help her out. But I think I know, I personally think she would be a disaster. She would probably pull all her hair out and quit her jobs and quit doing ministry and quit homeschooling and quit a lot of things. I mean, maybe not, but sometimes by the way she acts, I think she might be on the verge of doing that at any moment. Nah. I'm kidding….I think she'll be alright….probably once I get a little older and start behaving some ;)

      So here's my grand finale. THANKKKK YOUUU!! From the bottom of my heart, and mom's too I guess. Thank you for being such a huge part of our lives. For taking good care of us. For loving us. Blessing us. Helping us. And sacrificing for us. You did an ehhh….alright job as parents….but I'll tell ya….you guys stinkin rock as old grannies :) You guys are amazing. I love you lots and lots. One day, when the big girls go off to college, I'll have you all to myself! I'll take you out for chick-fil-a lunches, and I'll buy you new toys and cute clothes, we'll read bedtime stories and watch movies and snuggle, and maybe just maybe we can sing Jesus Loves Me together. For old times sake.

I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living, my Giggy and Grammy you'll be.

Lotsa love and snuggles~~

Amelia Faye Van Hook

UNteaching. UNparenting. UNnoyed.

YO YO YO Peeps.

Oh.My.Word. has it been a crazy day. Oh wait. I have three kids that I stay home with...EVERY day is crazy...Can I get an amen....AAAAMMMEEN!!! ;0)

Well...I've been battling blogging again for a while because sometimes I really want to blog about things, but I KNOW for a fact that they will end up offending someone. And I do NOT NOT NOT like to cause conflict or anything of that sort...but then again, this is my blog. Kind of like my diary. And hopefully if someone feels differently than I do on any certain topic, then they will I guess make their own blog and whine about it there. I don't know. Anyway. My desire is to be open and honest and share things that I feel led to share. Sometimes silly things, sometimes serious things, sometimes spiritual & sometimes all of those things wrapped up into one post.

Today is something a little more on the serious side. It's been on my heart a TON lately. And I am realllly hoping that I can get into words what my brain and heart have been feeling.

Well here goes. I spent another day feeling as if I was a dern broken record about the same old crapola over and over. "Immediate obedience" "obedience ='s blessings" "if it's not yours, don't touch it" "if you want something to eat, ask me first" "SIT DOWN ON YOUR BUTT IF IT'S MEALTIME...I MEAN IT...." (now....to really get into the mood if you so choose....repeat those last few phrases out loud over and over about 15 times...then you'll be ready to move forward with this post.) So my last blog was about that and why it's so important to be consistent in my opinion...and this particular post is kind of similar. Maybe I'll call it a piggyback post seeings how it just piggybacks on the last one.

So here are my thoughts.

Unparenting.

Yea. That's it. My mind has been blown by the idea of how ugly my kids can be sometimes. How disobedient. How they tell lies, argue, roll eyes, do the ghetto head bob at me with hands on hips, march off, ignore, hit, say hateful things....the list goes on and you obviously catch my drift. Now you can stop right there. I am NOT saying that my children are satans spawn. They are the farthest thing from it. It's just your typical kid stuff that every parent deals with. And if you don't deal with those things with your own kids, then you are LYING! jk. But for real though. It's just your normal every day annoying kid stuff. But here's the thing that I can't stop thinking about. WHERE IN THE JANK did they get all of that?! I mean...do you ever stop and wonder..."How did they learn that?" or "Do I really do that in front of them?"

Granted....I will NOT lie, there are some things that I do (that I shouldn't) that probably have rubbed off on my girls. For example, Chuck and I are TERRIBLE when it comes to having great manners. I mean like the whole farting, burping, pooping talk...yea we kind of just go with that in our house. WHAT?! It is what it is right?! So if you hear my kids saying inappropriate things such as UGHHH WHO FARTED?! or YUCK I smell diarrhea. You can say what you will about me & Chuck because they hands down learned that mess from us. WOOPS. But I'm talking about the big deal stuff ya know what I mean. I do NOT lie. I HATE lying. I have been super convicted over the past few years even about white lies. If I accidentally run out of Wal Mart with something that was hidden under the diaper bag and wasn't paid for....back in we go! Stuff like that. Can't do it anymore! If so...I wouldn't be able to sleep. I mean that. So where did my kids learn to straight up lie to my face. How do they even know what lying is right?!

What about hitting? Where in the world do my sweet little girls get off thinking that when they're angry or upset they can haul off and hit each other. NERRRNNTTTT. Not in my house. Not on tv. We don't watch ANYTHING violent on tv in front of them nor do we take them to WWF or play things like Mortal Kombat on play station. Granted I can't keep them in a bubble and I won't say they HAVEN'T seen hitting on tv at some points, but we don't instill that precious virtue into their minds as they grow up. Ya catching on yet. What's up with this backwards mess. Why do my kids start doing all this nasty stuff that we don't do or say at home.

It is the perfect example of our sinful nature. We are born sinners. It is what we do. From the time we start talking and walking....we sin. We just do. Parents don't even have to teach that stuff...how CONVENIENT. not. Makes me CRAZY!!! I have to bust my tail, yall know, to try and teach them right from wrong and they were BORN KNOWING SIN!!! Don't you hate how backwards that seems. Wouldn't it have been so much darn easier if we were all born doing right? and then the wrong things they don't "get" so we don't have to teach them! Then they wouldn't even know what that junk was. But that's not the way it is.

God has entrusted precious lives into our hands as parents. And unfortunately it is our responsibility to at least attempt to UNTEACH them everything that they so naturally do. I have to unteach the meanness and the lying and the arguing and all of those yucky things. THAT IS SOOO NOT FAIR! I didn't teach them those things...why should I have to unteach them?! BLAHHH. Wonder if this is making sense to anyone else. Maybe so. Maybe not. But, I'll tell ya this much. God is good. He is doing the EXACT SAME THING WITH ME. yup. He is. I am a terrible student I'm sure. I sin and sin and sin. Unknowingly spit in His face over and over. But THANK YOU JESUS, He is consistent with me too. Because if He were not consistent in teaching me all of the right things, or if He just gave up on me, or if He just got sick of sounding like a broken record....then I would live a life in hell. Guaranteed. I would be a HOTT MESS. I would SUCK.

I want to be like Him. I want to parent like He does. I want to offer that same consistent teaching to my kids that He does for me. I HATE IT. It is NOT fun. Not at all. And not fair....but I'll bet that's what He says as He parents us. hmmm....shoot.

Funny thing. God is still using that virtue of the month to teach me perseverance. "I can do it, even when it's tough." "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." I claim that promise. It's not easy to be a Godly mother. Definitely not for the weak. But it WILL be worth it. It'll be worth it when my girls, because I consistently untaught them the wrong things, one day choose the right things all by themselves. That is my desire. That is my goal.

Unparenting. oy.  So worth it for these little ladies....

ROUGH DAY!

So Chuck came home from youth tonight around 9 and I had all the girls at least trying to go to sleep. I like to do some serious "get the kids in bed so I can relax" on Wednesday nights while he is not home to get them all hyped up. Anyway, I decided that I would take a nice, childless/husbandless shower. That I would use my amazing new exhilarating, cooling face scrub (so what if I'm excited about face scrub.) and have some peace and quiet. Well obviously, since I can't ever sit still, or just plain take a shower, I had a knife trying to scrape away some of the old caulk so that we can start re-caulking some of the tile (did I spell that right? Do people even caulk anything anymore? I shouldn't know...I'm a girl) So he peeks his head into the door and what does he find but his wife, whom he knows had a really rough, long day, in the shower with a steak knife.....

lololol....

That's funny right. He was like, "Ummm babe, what are you doing in there with a knife?" To which I quickly responded that I was scraping some old caulk off the tiles while I showered.... #WHODOESTHAT?! LOL. What a relaxing shower huh?! Anyway...when I get really stressed out...I usually clean like crazy. The caulk scraping just happened to be what went down tonight.

I say all of this to talk a little bit about my day again. Not gonna go into any crazy details...but I will say this. It was one of THOSE days. You know the ones. Whether you're a teacher, parent grandparent or well anyone for that matter, it was one of those days in which nothing at all seemed to go well. Me and my big girls went round and round today. And I will tell you what...I feel like pretty much the crappiest mom in the world. There was a LOT of disobeying, lying, hitting, yelling, sneaking, more disobeying you catch my drift. And any parent or teacher knows that those kind of days will plum wear you out and make ya wanna QUIT. Well that was me today (and no really I promise that's not why I had the knife in the shower....it was and never will be THAT horrible!)

I felt as if I was getting onto the girls constantly. Matter of fact, I was getting onto them constantly. For what seemed to be the same things I always get onto them about. Big things and little things. And so by the end of the day we were all 3 just pretty much worn out. They were tired of getting scolded and I was guilty for being a lame-o mom. BUT THEN.....

I remembered our "We Choose Virtues" word of the month. It just so happens to be perseverance. The definition of perseverance that our family is memorizing for this month is, "I can do it, even when it's tough." With the correlating scripture being Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength." "Awww well isn't that sweet you're teaching your kids about perseverance." One might be thinking right about now. HA HA...Not quite the case today. God used that specific virtue to ENCOURAGE ME in what I was doing. I'm sure He was not encouraging me for the times when I became impatient or lost my cool, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, that at the end of a day in which I felt like a monster mommy, God was proud of me. WHATTT??!! Proud that you scolded your kids all day?!!!! No. I needed that encouragement through the word perseverance because it is HARD to raise your kids in a Godly home. In a backwards world in which most kids do the parenting. Where parents spend their days doing whatever the kid wants. Where kids are disrespectful and rude and well YOU know...you live in the same world I do!!!

Chuck & I obviously have chosen to live a Christlike life (even though we struggle and fail daily) and we have also chosen to raise our children according to a Biblical standard. Our prayer every single day with them is that we can be more and more like Jesus every single day. SO. Was it a long sucky day. Yes. But you know what....I am teaching my girls just how important it is that they obey. And not just obey....but to obey IMMEDIATELY. There's the kicker. I have NO DESIRE to sit around and tell my kids what to do 100 times over and over each day. I have every desire to ask them to do something once, and have them do it that very first time. I know they're 2 & 4. I know I have high standards. But I'm confident in that I am doing the right thing for me and for them, when I enforce rules. Mean or strict as I might sound. I desire that, because it's in God's word. It's how God parents us. He doesn't want to have to tell us things over and over and we just do it whenever we want. He wants us to obey immediately.

I want to have girls who are set apart. Who are confident in their faith. Who make friends that love Jesus. Who have no fear but of God Himself. Who have a servants heart. Who reach out to others to let their light shine. Who are respectful. Who marry men that love God more than they love them. Who, please tell me, is going to teach MY GIRLS those things. Who is going to invest in my little sweet angels to set those standards. ME! Daily, Chuck and I do as best we know how to teach our girls how to be more and more like Jesus. That is our responsibility as parents. We recognize that calling and have agreed to walk in it, as difficult as it is.

So here's my point. Life as a parent can't always be fun. Duh right? We can't always just play dress up and prance around then play barbies and build forts and live in a beautiful imaginary perfect world....dang that'd be awesome....but the reality of parenting is that it's up to me and my sexy bearded man to discipline our kids. To teach them. To train them up in the way that they should go, so that when they are older, they will not depart from those ways. And that's not easy when almost everything I teach them is disregarded in the real world. But...I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength and power. Even raising up three women of God. I can't do that, but as I strive myself to be like God, He will in turn help me raise my little ladies. BE ENCOURAGED!!!

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.

~MAXXED OUT MAMA

Here Goes Nuthin.

Well...here goes. Been far too long and what I have realized over the past year or so, is that this world of blogging or whatever has gone WAYYYY the heck over my head. I'll tell you this much. My blog will more than likely never have cool buttons on the side. Or links to other awesome mom blogs, or really anything cool at all except maybe a fun background if I can get that rigged up...but anywho...let's put it this way...It ain't gonna be froo froo. Ain't nobody got time for that. ;p It's gonna be  my post. That's it. Just my post. I will probably never become one of those fancy bloggers but that's okay with me. Because my blog is usually just to dump out whatever is in my crazy brain anyway.

So here's whats been on my brain today.
*Amelia spits up a DANG lot
*the dog REEKS
*dog to pet smart for bath and nails clipped
*JulieAnne has GOT to quit wearing swim soups under everything or not whatever
*Wonder if Kennedy will ever quit sucking her lip? Oh well.
*TCTC is gonna be really fun this weekend
*Wonder if Chuck is ever going to shave his beard...or his dreads...probably not. He's so hairy.
*I should really put those 5 loads of laundry away
*DON'T FORGET BALLET AT 5
*The girls have GOT to learn to be nicer to each other...how can I help them do that??
*School starts back tomorrow...woop.
*I wonder if Amelia will ever take a bottle....yikes....my poor body :/
*I REALLY need an anniversary date....long overdue. One week overdue to be precise.
*What if I got pregnant again right now....AHHH!!! note...TAKE BIRTH CONTROL
*Really gonna miss dad when he goes to OK for 6 months
*Wish all my friends and their new babies lived closer
*To keep Common Sass or totally erase it from the universe...
*Should I delete all my social media junk or leave it...hmm....
*Wish the girls had a playroom
*Wish I had a craft room
*Just be content with what you have Rachel!

Okay I'm gonna stop there. See aren't you glad I started blogging again. Is anyone else stressed out or just a little sweaty in the arm pits just by reading a couple of the things I thought about today...lol. This is however NOT what I'm usually going to blog about...but tonight...it's how I felt like jumping back into it.

I will say this, and I mean it very humbly, often times I TOTALLY want to just out of the clear blue sky delete EVERYTHING. I mean it. Common Sass (my little FB business), instagram, FB, twitter, all of it. BUT, every now and then I am utterly and completely blown away by someone that I hardly even know or don't even know at all, who messages me or emails me about something that I posted up at some point that challenged them or encouraged them or made them laugh or something of that sort. And then I realize, that God has truly blessed Chuck and I. We are both CUH-RAZAY. And we know it. We're okay with it :) But He also allows us to be an open book. We put our entire life sometimes out there for people to read and see. And we understand that by doing that, God is using us. Because as weak as we are, and as imperfect sinners we are, we are willing. We desire to be servants for His kingdom here on earth. And for us, a lot of times allowing others to see who we really are in Him is how he uses us the most.

My blog always has been and will continue to be, a way for me to share with others what He is sharing with me. Or maybe it will just be a window into our cute, tiny little home so that you can watch our crazy life like it's a Hallmark movie or something! lol. I have lots that I want to share. I want to be used by God and I want to be used BIG! Blogging is one of those ways that I think He can use to reveal Himself to others through me :) So....WELCOME BACK ME! Spread the word that I'm back....this is gonna be good :)

peace.